Sexuality of Christian Womanhood: God Knows Your Vulnerability

We guess that some feminists won’t like this topic but we feel it to be very important to acknowledge. We are not going to harp on about “the weaker half” or any of that. Women can be very strong in a lot of areas. Men are also vulnerable in certain aspects. However for this particular post we just want to focus on this aspect particularly for Christian women. Sexual vulnerability is a feeling that many women experience because of the pressure placed on them in societies such as ours where overwhelmingly men are seeking out women and targeting them with suggestive looks, words or actions. We think the difference in the way that men and women relate and are sexually aroused that is relevant. A man is sexually aroused in a visual way when he sees a woman who takes his fancy. A woman is sexually aroused in a relational way, and part of that relational way can be if she feels desired by a man, which in essence comes from responding to attention she receives. Unwanted attention from a man can therefore be a problem for her and increase her sense of vulnerability, as she can get a sense of arousal from the possibility of giving in to the pressure that she is under.

There are many aspects of social interaction that a woman, especially a Christian woman, has to be able to manage successfully in order to deal with undesired attention from men in our highly sexualised societies. It is extremely regrettable that there are so many challenges to a woman’s physical safety and wellbeing that are posed because of men’s inappropriate lusts and aggression. Here in this post we don’t want to dwell on that, the real reason for writing this is to help Christian women overcome the challenges in a way that blesses them spiritually and emotionally. We want to steer clear of the complementarian concepts that a woman can be responsible for a  man’s inappropriate behaviour, where they teach that women should not cause men to lust. In our idealised world, taking a leaf out of the book of nudists, women should be able to make the same clothing choices as men without being blamed for men’s response to it, including being able to bare their chests. Furthermore we feel that a husband and wife should be able to feel comfortable practising nudity in private on a regular rather than occasional basis on the assumption that a Christian man is capable of controlling his sexual behaviour towards his wife and that he can discipline his sexuality through masturbation so that he takes the pressure off his wife.

Nevertheless, if you are a Christian woman you have to decide the best way that you can deal with unwanted attention and what might be appropriate ways of deflecting or reducing it on a daily basis. We do not advocate that you should be expected to wear different clothing styles than men, in general, but there are many options for clothing that can make some of your key physical features less obvious. Our main focus here is to help you when you come home at the end of a long day in a workplace or some other setting where you have a day’s worth of negative feelings from undesired attention to free yourself from. As we have said in a previous post, women get a constant stream of negative messages about their bodies that affects their sense of self worth. It then becomes very desirable for you to spend some time letting go of those feelings. We suggest the same response, which is to enter into a session of sexual devotion where you can counter those negativities. However the way this happens for unwanted attention is a bit different emotionally but the intended outcome is the same. The message you are getting from the attention is that you are desirable, but for a single or married Christian woman who wants to remains sexually pure, the issue is that the attention is unwanted because it is inappropriate for her.

We believe the appropriate way for you to deal with the negative impacts of unwanted attention and pressures is to bring them all to God in a sexual devotion time in which you are focused on reclaiming and rededicating your body. A time where you are touching and stroking the areas of your body where you have felt most vulnerable is a great way of reclaiming the ownership and control that is your right to have over your body because you have had other people wanting to take that away from you and you need to be able to counter that. This sexual affirmation can include declaring only you have the right to receive pleasure from your body and affirming that in touching and masturbating is the way to achieve that.

Vulnerability does have a positive aspect in the context of when you are either in a private sexual devotional time or making love with your husband and you choose to be vulnerable. This is perhaps easier to relate to in those intimate times with your husband, than if you are choosing to be on your own, or if you are single. In those times of sexual devotion it is an act of worship in God’s presence and you can focus on being vulnerable with Him. The most beautiful part of it is that whilst a husband will focus mainly on the physical aspect of you opening up your body, for you it is not just a physical thing, it is also an emotional and spiritual thing. When you take time to masturbate in a private sexual devotion time, you can just focus on those emotional and spiritual aspects, really opening yourself up to God and letting Him minister deeply into your sexuality. This is kind of an interesting new idea, that some feelings end up being related to specific body parts, and will be further explored in future posts of this series.

Sexuality of Christian Womanhood: God Made You Maternal (v2)

The main focus of this article is to Christian mothers or mothers-to-be, although we are going to specifically focus on the challenges of sexuality for mothers who are either pregnant or in the early post-natal phase. We also believe it has relevance to the husband-wife relationship regardless of whether there are any children in the family. Pregnancy is, of course, something that is supremely feminine in character. One way we can look at it is to summarise the impacts into two categories: the physical aspect of your changing body, and the growing expression of your sexuality. Pregnancy is certainly a time when your sexuality is a more prominent feature of your life, and it is a great time to focus on how your sexuality impacts the most important relationships in your day to day life. This can contribute in a material and spiritual way to personal growth and strengthening family relationships in future years.

One of the key impacts of pregnancy is naturally going to be on your love life. That will change a lot during and immediately after pregnancy. Depending on your exact situation, there may be times when you don’t desire your husband at all and when you want him more than was the case before you got pregnant. In any case, you can masturbate when you need to, and since you’ll want to cuddle your belly as the baby inside it grows larger, combining a belly rub with masturbation during the day is a great way to affirm your sexuality during pregnancy. You’re still a sexual woman and the functions of your genitals that relate to arousal, touching and orgasm still work pretty much the same as they did before you got pregnant. It’s important to normalise your sexuality as much as possible during pregnancy because there are so many challenges to it resulting from the numerous physical changes that occur during those nine months. This means that as long as there are no restrictions placed on sexual activity by a medical professional, you should go definitely go for it.

Whether or not you want your husband at any time, your husband can certainly want  you more than would have been the case before pregnancy. Men can find their pregnant wife’s round belly very desirable because of its shape, and there is also the added factor that it contains the baby that you have both been making, potentially causing your husband to want to affirm you and your sexuality as well as the baby. Hence in the times when you are kissing and cuddling together, “belly sex” can become more of a physical focus for both of you. However you may want to balance the extra cuddles with consideration of the physical demands of penetrative vaginal intercourse which are increased during pregnancy. We suggest this is a great time to make use of non penetrative sex such as masturbating together or hand stimulation of each other’s genitals, which if practised gently and sensitively with mutual respect, can really add an extra dimension to sexual intercourse, especially as the pregnancy approaches its conclusion. If there are times when you are both horny but you can’t stand the thought of being touched by your husband or you need some physical space from him, allow him to masturbate and let him affirm you and encourage you to masturbate. Perhaps you can both masturbate at the same time but in two different rooms, so that you can at least think of each other, even if you can’t quite manage sharing each other’s bodies during the session.

The post-natal recovery period just after giving birth, which can last for six weeks or more, is a time when regular sexual intercourse is not recommended as your internals need time to heal and return to normal. It’s also going to be a busy time for both of you dealing with the demands of caring for your new child. However, at least for you, it is very important to spend that time helping to get your sexuality back to where it was before the pregnancy. Mothers can find that the physical trauma of the childbirth experience really puts them off sexual intercourse, and spending the time when they have it to rediscover the physical and spiritual pleasures of their genitals through masturbation and orgasm can really work wonders for their love life. Likewise allowing your husband to masturbate during this time can help to keep his desire for you alive during those weeks, and depending on how you feel, it may be possible during some of that period to enjoy some sexually intimate times by substituting penetrative sex with mutual masturbation. Working together to facilitate sexual development of your body during this period is a great way to get your love life back to normal and bring the benefits of a healthy intimacy together back into the marriage and family life after pregnancy.

Lastly we’ll look at the controversial topic of a wife mothering her husband. This can be a situation regardless of whether there are any children in the family or not. We don’t recommend that you consciously mother your husband in everyday life, but only when you are being intimate together and very specifically limited to that context, offering him the opportunity to be reminded of the manner of his birth and early bonding with his own mother, in that he can relate to this through the specific parts of your body which parallel those events. We believe that this gives the opportunity for your husband and you to connect at a very deep emotional level that will add a new aspect to your marriage relationship. Men are hard enough to communicate with usually because they tend to bottle up their thoughts and feelings, so giving him an opportunity to relate to such a significant period of his early life can create an extra dimension of intimacy to your closest times together. Be prepared especially to offer this to him whenever either of you is going through a really tough time emotionally. At those times, the opportunity to relate to each other at such a core level can really make either or both of your days.

 

“Why I’m Ditching My Bras”

 

This is another interesting topic of female sexuality. It seems to be supported by a wide range of research and evidence. We support the general concept that a woman should not feel obligated in any way to wear a bra, and that they were probably invented by men in order to keep female sexuality repressed.

There’s a bit more that we want to address in the same post, and a part of a future post will address it. It’s simply that women should not be embarrassed by having soft parts to their bodies because this is pretty much inherent to female sexuality. The amount of jiggle and sway that a woman’s breasts produce if she chooses not to wear a bra should not be a problem for her.

https://medium.com/candour/why-im-ditching-my-bras-205b8733f0cd

 

“Challenging Sexist Stigmas Around Female Masturbation”

We’ve been reading a lot on Medium lately, and came across these two articles by the same author. Whilst we don’t agree with every single word she says, we do endorse the general approach:

At the same time, we’ve been taking in a variety of Christian views about the subject, which unsurprisingly are quite diverse and varied. It is certainly a good thing in this day and age that there are Christian authors and leaders who are prepared to challenge the common assertion that masturbation is inherently sinful or harmful and that Christians shouldn’t practice it. Jessica Harris is the latest we’ve been reading on this subject in her book “Beggar’s Daughter”, and Harris says that whilst she does not recommend masturbation, she recognises there are situations where it may be used that do not warrant condemnation and shame being heaped on someone’s head. We assert that a Christian woman who practices masturbation as an act of worship is enhancing her sexual purity, not detracting from it, and that therefore it should be considered as a very useful tool for helping Christian women to address the various pressures they are placed under in relation to their sexuality.

Sexuality of Christian Womanhood: God Made You Sexy

We feel this post addresses what is a really important aspect of our ministry, and that is singleness. So much of the wider church’s theological and ministerial assumptions are made on the basis that all adult people will become married, when we know that is not the case. And even if it were, marriage is preceded by singleness. And the most important thing about singleness is that we need to get to be good at it in order to prepare for marriage. In other words, we can’t expect marriage is going to solve our life problems if we haven’t successfully addressed them whilst we were single. Our marriages will be so much stronger and off to a better start if we have been able to prepare ourselves properly whilst single. Furthermore, there are those who for various reasons may remain single for an extended period, or in fact for their entire lifetime, and the church at large is only just starting to wake up to these realities as we escape from the distorted misogynistic influences of complementarianist theology including its offshoot the purity movement.

Ok, that may seem an odd way of addressing the title of this post; however, it ties in very well with how a godly woman addresses the sexual attraction she poses to males. Because it is necessary for such women to successfully resist the sexual pressure they will come under from men in society. Unfortunately that pressure is overwhelmingly driven by sexual lust that is extremely prevalent in the world, which is primary evidence that the world at large remains male dominated and misogynistic in general. So it is a fact that as a woman of God, you do have a beautiful body and that you do attract sexualised attention from males, much of it unwanted. We are not going to get into discussions about the way you should dress or whatever, but what is clearly necessary for you in order to preserve your sexual purity is to become very good at asserting yourself and the ownership of your body.

To do this, we believe, you have to accept that parts of your body are very “sexy” and will attract the most attention. The key is to assert that you own and have control of these body parts and that their sexy qualities are first and foremost for your own use in choosing to glorify God with your body. As long as you are single, as you will be throughout adolescence until you choose to marry, if that is the course you are to follow, then essentially that is the primary focus for your sexuality, to have it centred around Godly standards that are worshipful to Him. We have already explained in many previous posts how we consider masturbation can be a devotional act as long as there is no sinful activity such as lust involved. Singleness is a time for you to discover your body and develop your sexuality in order to prepare yourself for marriage, or for a percentage, to remain successfully single for life.

So the most important aspect of singleness is for you to accept that God has given you a sexy body, something that is a very significant part of your whole sexuality. We believe the way to address this is to assert and own that sexy quality of each particular area of your body in a time of sexual devotion. Choose to enjoy touching or caressing each of those parts during such a time and give yourself permission to become sexually aroused each time you happen in the course of your everyday private moments to touch any of the particular areas of your body or catch a glance of yourself in a mirror. Give thanks to God for the sexual qualities of each body area and speak out words of personal affirmation for yourself as well. The best form of sexual affirmation is, of course, to masturbate at the same time as making these declarations, which also helps you to assert the ownership of your body and the focus of your sexuality as part of your single lifestyle.

We have chosen to address this topic at a time when it is becoming clear that society has really not become more enlightened since the rise of feminism and Christian egalitarianism. Despite the shift in attitudes to female sexuality in general, society is still overwhelmingly dominated by the sexual demands and expectations of males. The problem as it affects Christian women, in particular singles including adolescents, sees them, due to the widespread availability of pornography via the Internet, placed under ever increasing pressure to yield to male sexual advances. Because of this, Christian women are actually not all that far behind men in their rates of usage of and addiction to pornography. We believe that Christians have been given the means, through masturbation, to successfully resist temptation to sexual adultery by being able to address physical pressures within their own bodies in a way that enhances and strengthens their sexual purity and is fully pleasing to God. For single Christian women, these techniques should be regularly practised as part of acts of personal, spiritual and sexual devotion.

Recap 2019/09

Given there are a range of views about masturbation in relation to Christian faith, and after reviewing some viewpoints from women who have been addicted to pornography and have used masturbation in conjunction with the viewing of porn, we feel some clarification is useful here. We have consistently advocated that masturbation should only ever be used where there is no lust involved. Anyone who is addicted to pornography will generally fall into the category of lustful sin. Hence this rules out the use of masturbation where a person is using it in conjunction with pornography. Another issue is using masturbation to substitute for sexual intimacy where a godly man or woman is married and they are avoiding making love together and instead one or the other of them masturbates instead. Although this can be used as a short term measure where one of the partners is unable to participate in sexual intercourse, for a variety of ordinary everyday reasons (such as pregnancy, travel, illness etc) in order for the marriage to prosper, mutual sexual intimacy between the husband and wife must be prioritised. Masturbation may also be useful where one of the spouses is recovering from significant sexual or emotional trauma and finds it very difficult to be sexually intimate.

The context of recommending masturbation as a healthy activity for Christians who are either single or married (but especially those who are single) is primarily in the context of those who lead morally upright lives and who are not engaging in sinful behaviour such as the use of pornography, but who do have a struggle with needing to masturbate whether the need could be called occasional or regular. We have simply felt it useful to address this struggle for men or women of God who have a high sex drive and need to relieve sexual tension without committing sin, and by emphasising the 3 Ds (as mentioned in a recent post) as being purposes that masturbation can contribute positively to, Applying those 3 D principles to masturbation can actually make a very positive contribution to the life of any Christian believer including supporting their marriage and family life by helping to remove sexual tensions and pressures within relationships.

If you should masturbate because you look at porn or are addicted to it, or commit some other kind of sinful behaviour like using masturbation with your girlfriend or boyfriend that you are not married to in order to avoid sexual intercourse outside marriage, masturbation is not going to make a positive contribution either to your life or faith. And there are going to be some of you for whom masturbation triggers undesirable thoughts or actions and actual abstinence, at least for a period of time, is a better option. But there are those of you who have attained a state of sexual purity and for whom masturbation helps you to maintain a sexually pure life and upright Christian faith, and for that group of people, it is of benefit to masturbate as needed.

So it is important to have an appropriate context for masturbation where it actually can be a blessing for a life of faith, and not in contexts where it can actually create problems. Most of our writing on this subject on this blog is coming from the assumption that for a particular group of Christians, due to the controversy surrounding masturbation in general, people often feel condemned and shamed due to the struggle they have to stop masturbating. We simply feel the blanket condemnation of masturbation regardless of situation is legalistic when compared with the way it is addressed in the Bible. We believe our bodies are designed to produce this pleasure from touching our genitals and that there is no inherent harmfulness when we touch these areas of our bodies. It is in fact an interesting fact to consider that whilst sexual pleasure is correlated with reproductive function for males, for females there is no such correlation and of course the woman in fact has a clitoris that is designed for the sole purpose of producing pleasure. We believe in general that this physical pleasure and the stage of arousal that precedes it is similar to the processes relating to hunger and eating food in our bodies, except that the benefits amount to spiritual and emotional nourishment rather than physical.

Sexuality of Christian Manhood: God Calls You To Perform

This post builds upon the content in our previous post, “Sexuality of Christian Manhood: God Calls You To Achieve” from a couple of months back. Content for our blog is based on gained knowledge and personal study which is an ongoing process that is occurring over the present time and so we take the opportunity to create new material as the concepts become known to us and we have time to explore their relevance and meanings. The starting point for this discussion is the understanding that masturbation is very important to the “3 Ds” for Christian men, and it is extremely important for masturbation to be a useful sexual outlet for Christian men, as they need a greater range of options to deal with an innately higher sex drive than most women experience, although a percentage of women do have a high libido that requires the same techniques to manage.

For Christian men, the key theme that we are engaging with in this post is the idea that your sense of sexual performance or achievement makes a key contribution to your personal self esteem. We already know that typical men are performance and achievement focused, and we expect that as a Christian man, your outlook on life will follow this trend, although your adoption of and commitment to a godly lifestyle means that the way you achieve this will differ from society in general. It follows therefore that whilst sexual performance is important to you, the ways in which you will address it are going to be different from the world, but you can willingly admit that it is something you think about. We are aware from associating with men’s groups in churches that it is something that Christian men talk about, just that you will try to address it in a godly way that is inherently respectful both to the commitment you have made in surrendering your life to Christ and in being accountable to those around you, in particular your wife if you are married, and to church leadership etc.

This post has been in part inspired by the suggestion which we have heard, that for those of you who are married, that your self esteem in marital relations is dependent to an extent on your ability to successfully initiate sexual intimacy with your wife, which is a measure of your ability in sexual performance. So we can go into the ways that you can have other productive and God-honouring sexual performance focused outlets in your life, whether you are married or single. Certainly if you are single, this is much more important because the sole focus of your sexuality is how to honour God. The desire to achieve sexual performance is probably a key aspect of the reason that so many men are turning to pornography as an outlet for their sexual fantasies, and this is quite relevant for Christian men because such a significant percentage of you are viewing or using pornographic materials, which is capable of significantly diverting your spiritual focus away from God and towards spiritual idols. In fact, anyone who uses pornography is committing sexual idolatry and this means God will not bring blessing into your life whilst you are engaging with the use of pornographic materials because this is a violation of the first and second commandments. It is therefore extremely important for you as a godly believer to have a means of fulfilling your need to achieve sexual performance in a way that is God honouring.

We are writing this because we believe that masturbation provides the means for you to have that sense of sexual performance as a single man of God, or a married man of God who needs to fill in some gaps between intimate sexual encounters with your wife in a productive way that she agrees enhance and support your marriage. The key issue for a marriage is that there are conflicting objectives that won’t be completely achievable when you have sex with your wife. You have to be able to evaluate key objectives for sexual performance in light of being able to serve her and God at the same time, and the achievement of these objectives will be different than when it is just God that you are serving, as is possible in a time of masturbation that is focused upon sexual devotion to God. Whatever the key objectives for sexual performance are for you, we believe they will be similar to those which we mentioned in the previous article listed above. The difference in this post is that we are emphasising that achievement of sexual performance can contribute something to your personal self esteem and therefore has to be considered important to your mental health.

The key question is exactly what objectives for sexual performance are relevant to a godly man. For a married man, your objectives have to be ones that you will probably determine with your wife, and are directly relevant to building an intimate relationship with her and strengthening your marriage and family, as well as your faith. If you are single, the key relationship you are seeking to build and strengthen is directly with God. Male sexuality is generally focused on physical aspects. Worshipping God with your sexuality is achieved by using it for the purpose that God designed it for. Therefore your key sexual performance indicator is that you fulfilled godly purposes, which in marriage have to include sexually fulfilling and satisfying both you and your wife. If you are single or undertaking a time of sexual devotion as a married person, a means of sexual fulfilment in a godly context is related to reaching sexual climax during masturbation and producing the semen that your body has manufactured for that purpose. Another aspect of sexual fulfilment and therefore performance, as we alluded to in our previous post, is that these outcomes were achieved in a godly way without any sinful practice.

There may be other contexts for sexual performance for a man of God but the key importance is that you can realistically achieve them in a godly manner and therefore fulfill your calling as a Christian in whatever stage of life you find yourself in.

Sexuality of Christian Womanhood and Manhood: The 3 Ds of Personal Sexuality Ministry

This particular post applies equally to men and women. Based on what we have already instructed in this blog, we believe sexuality ministry is governed by the “3 Ds” as we call them. That is, the ministry outcomes of sexuality ministry can be three things starting with D: sexual development, sexual devotion or sexual discipline. Since our key focus is self-ministry, in which a Christian man or woman can take some time out for a specific personal focus on their own ministry needs, we advocate that the 3 Ds are achieved by a godly believer in a masturbation session, regardless of their age or whether they are single or married. We’ll break down what each D means as follows.

  • Sexual development is a focus on developing one’s sexuality. It is especially important for adolescents to have this one as their key focus from the time they begin puberty, as this will be key for them in setting themselves up for future marriage. Single adults also need to have this focus as they work on developing relationships that will lead to marriage, and a small percentage of these may have an extended period of singleness if for some reason their sexual development takes longer to occur. There are also those who remain single for life for various reasons, in which case the focus of sexual development is more targeted towards maintaining purity.
  • Sexual devotion is a focus on devoting one’s sexuality to God. It is based on the adaption of the usual Christian call to personal devotion to apply specifically in the context of personal sexuality. During a session of sexual devotion the believer is enjoined to undertake the usual devotional practices such as prayer and worship. Devotion gives an answer to what should be an appropriate focus for a believer’s thoughts during a masturbation session, that is, a focus on what is upright and holy.
  • Sexual discipline is a focus on disciplining some of the most demanding aspects of one’s sexuality. An example is sex drive, especially for males who as a group are much more in need of controlling their sexuality and keeping it directed to Godly purposes. Sexual discipline has huge rewards for those who practice it regularly, giving them a very effective defence against the temptations of lust and pornography. In a marriage it can enhance the relationship between husband and wife by taking pressure off either partner to be constantly available where the other partner has the higher sex drive in the marriage, or for example during or just after pregnancy where sex drives and availability are impacted in various ways.

We believe that the 3 Ds are especially relevant for maintaining sexual purity, and in the case of singles, innocence. These are of course very important qualities that greatly benefit not only our relationship with God, but with our husband or wife if we are married, or our future partner if single. Masturbation according to the 3 Ds does not diminish sexual purity or innocence in any way and in fact enhance them. However if sinful practice, such as the use of pornography, has been brought into masturbation at a previous time, it will not be possible to regain sexual purity until all issues relating to that practice have been resolved.

Sexuality of Christian Womanhood: God Calls You Innocent and Pure

Like all of our posts in this series, this one has taken a while to write. We try to spend a lot of time in prayer and reflection on each topic, inasmuch as we view this blog as the primary public expression of our ministry the way that it is established at the moment. The ministry progresses in stages of fresh revelation every few weeks so in reality that is what it takes to get a post together. There are many more posts coming in this series, both relating to men and women, but this is the latest one for the present.

When we talk of “innocence” in a Christian context we usually think about children, who have no latent concept of sexuality prior to adolescence, then during that phase they become familiar with these adult concepts as they grow up. With our experience in the educational system, we know that some teachers prefer to educate children at this pre-adolescent stage of life, because that transition brings about so much change in their behaviour. Of course, for Christians, we have this much greater concern that the increased knowledge of sexuality that heralds adolescence brings with it the potential for sexual sin. Still, it is important to know what is a sin and what isn’t, and this post is primarily directed at those women who are focused towards living a life of godly sexual purity throughout their lives regardless of whether they are a child or an adult, single or married, childless or in motherhood, etc.

We believe that innocence is what describes not only the phase of life prior to adolescence, but also the discovery of a sexual body in that phase. In other words, we believe that a godly woman discovering that her body has these sexual parts and that they produce these physical pleasures, is not inherently committing sin. Masturbation or self touching of your sexual body parts and enjoyment of their pleasures does not constitute sinfulness any more than the enjoyment of food or the pleasure of the wind, sand or sun on your skin, and you have not ceased to be sexually pure from doing these things. Hence we believe that self touching or masturbation of your breasts or genitals does not detract from sexual purity as a single woman, and can in fact enhance and support it.

Sexual purity of course is not limited to single women, in fact all Christian women should strive to achieve it throughout their lives. The important fact is that you aren’t limited to achieving sexual purity by remaining a single virgin for your whole life, although abstinence is the most essential component of sexual purity for single people. In marriage the most essential component is monogamy. Within both singleness and marriage, masturbation when carried out for the purposes of sexual devotion or sexual discipline does not compromise sexual purity. Innocence is the state in which you remain sexually pure as a single person where there is no other person in your life, prior to marriage. We just simply want to assure you that you can discover your sexual body parts and enjoy touching them without losing your innocence, since we see innocence as the state in which your body remains known only to you. To remain innocent you need to continue making lifestyle choices through this phase of adolescence to refrain from sexually impure practices and to remain abstinent from sexual interaction with another person. These are lifestyle choices for Christian women to undertake during the young adulthood phase of their lives preceding marriage.

Sexuality of Christian Womanhood: God Made You Sexual

We aren’t rushing to produce these articles in this series, even although we have planned a few of them. We’re not sure how many there will be, but this latest one has been a month in the making. Our experience with the last article series that parts of had to be rewritten multiple times shows that there isn’t necessary merit in rushing into print. The story of our ministry and work is that it is evolving and it can take a bit of time to get together all of the knowledge that goes into each article.

So here is our latest article about Christian womanhood, and the theme is “God Made You Sexual”. What do we mean by this? Well, we’ve often referred to complementarianism as being a set of theological beliefs that reduce the essentials of feminine sexuality and really try to make womanhood an extension of male sexuality. The idea there is that (a) a woman is made to be an extension of a man’s life and (b) her sexuality is quite inferior or subservient to a man’s. And we find that such beliefs in the Church are a reflection of the same sort of beliefs that have long been held across society until the advent of present day feminism. Unfortunately these attitudes remain extremely entrenched and are stereotypically expressed in a great deal of the pornographic material that is readily available today, and in the many dismissive or crude terms used to describe parts of a woman’s body. The primary inspiration for this article came from reading Peggy Orenstein’s book “Girls & Sex”, in which she describes the cringeworthy content of some sex-education material available in parts of the US. Orenstein’s account is not written from a Christian perspective but it could be so easily describing content produced by a Christian organisation because of the Church’s long history of denying female sexuality.

As we’ve noted to date, we have the theological viewpoint in egalitarianism that upholds the idea that a woman is equally capable of ministering in a church to the same extent that a man, but egalitarianism hasn’t bridged the entire gulf that complementarianism covers. More particularly, egalitarian theology doesn’t address the sexuality of Christian womanhood in the way that complementarianism does. There haven’t been (to our knowledge) publications produced in the name of egalitarianism that counter the “purity culture” material that have come out of organisations like the Southern Baptist Convention. It is probably truthful to say that a lot of Christian books about female sexuality or marriage have been produced from a complementarian viewpoint. There is definitely a gap to be filled there.

So let’s just try and address this issue for our female readers: God made you sexual. What do we mean by that?

You, Christian woman, have been created by God in a certain way that makes you distinctively female. This is addressed by the fact that you have some physical parts of your body that are specific to female sexuality, such as the physical appearance and components of your breasts and genitals. Along with your appearance comes the fact that you can have experiences in your body that are related to these sexual parts, such as arousal and pleasure. You can also have some other experiences, like periods, that are uniquely female. What is really relevant to this discussion is that you do have sexual organs and you do have the ability to become sexually aroused and to engage in activities that produce sexual pleasure for you. You also have a right to be recognised in having these experiences in an equal way to the recognition of men’s sexual experiences in society. Ultimately our expectation is that your sexuality is recognised in the Church in that you are recognised as having a sexual body, created by God for purposes irrespective of whether you are married or single.

If you are single at any point of your life, the experiences which you can have as a godly woman which are related to sexual arousal and pleasure will be experienced through masturbation in an act of sexual devotion, as we have referred to it elsewhere in this blog. If you are in a Christian marriage then these experiences are most likely to be taking place with your husband and have a wider range of permissible outcomes, such as procreation. However, there should be nothing in either your experiences or outcomes, when in a marriage, that is mandated or dictated to you by your husband or your church or any other person or organisation in a way that disregards your own right to control your body. This means there is no reasonable expectation that the leadership of your church, or your husband, have an automatic right to subjugate you and trample on your personal rights. Ultimately all sexual experiences that are shared with your husband are to be conducted on the basis that you and him are equal partners in the marriage and that mutual respect or agreement without trampling on each other is the best approach to a harmonious marriage with a component of sexual intimacy.

Saying you are sexual is also saying you have a right to have that respected. This means that the Church has no role in promoting misogynistic concepts such as that a woman’s body causes men to lust. This is because men have a choice of whether to lust or not, irrespective of whether women’s bodies are sexually desirable or whether they have chosen to wear certain clothing styles. for example. In some societies in the world, the idea that women’s breasts should be sexualised, for example, is actually abhorrent. That’s why, for example, in parts of Africa, women can go bare breasted and be considered normal for so doing. The problem is that with the blaming of women culture that is so prevalent in the church, based on the failure of men to take responsibility for their own actions in choosing to lust, women are actually being made unequal, and to be subjugated sexually to men. Thus the stage is set for women’s role being assumed to primarily provide for men’s sexual desires or needs, and women’s own sexual desires or needs being repressed or denied.

Since purity culture largely excuses or minimises Christian mens’ sexually misogynistic behaviour towards Christian women, what is actually to stop us egalitarians from advocating that Christian women should be afforded the same rights as men have historically enjoyed in patriarchal churches? Actually, we aren’t approaching it that way. We don’t see a place for turning the tables as much as that. These churches have promoted that men have dominion and control over women. As much as radical feminists would like to turn the tables, that is not a recipe for women to be respected in the Church. The answer is to give equal recognition to Christian men and women and accept that means that women have the right to dominion over their own bodies and are not in any way obligated to surrender this to men or church leadership.

Let’s summarise this for the benefit of our female Christian readers. Mighty woman of God, your heavenly Father has created you with a sexual body. Because of your body, you have the ability to express yourself in sexual ways that are still within the bounds of how a godly woman should behave, but which in the past some churches have criticised. You have the right to choose singleness for yourself at any particular period of your life, and the enforced singleness that is the best way for you to get through adolescence is a great time for you to get to know your own body and entrust in God to help you navigate a new complex landscape of sexual development and maturity. It is entirely your personal choice if you want to remain single throughout your life and no one in any church has the right to dictate to you that this choice is inferior or somehow contrary to godliness. In turn, you also have the choice to devote your sexuality to God and to enjoy the fruits of sexual pleasure in ways that are pleasing to God inasmuch as they are not inherently sinful (i.e. through masturbation in a godly way).

It is also your choice if you wish to become married and to enter into some of the common outcomes of marriage, such as parenthood. You have the right to be an equal in a marriage and to be treated with respect, whether it is by your husband, or by the Church. This means that you have a right to refuse sexual pressures placed on you by your husband. You also have rights in other sexual aspects of the marriage, such as whether to have children, and if so, how many of them and the particular timing of conception. You also have the right to object to being sexualised by your husband and expected to behave in certain sexualised ways within the marriage, and you have the utmost right to expect your husband will be as committed to supporting the marriage as you are.

Ultimately as a woman of God, your body is as equally a temple of the Holy Spirit as any Christian man’s is, and the undeniable biological and physiological facts that you will experience sexual arousal, and that you will be able to experience sexual pleasure, is something that the Church must recognise and support. It must equally be able to support that Christian women can choose whether to experience these things in celibate singleness or in marriage, and respect either scenario without question., And above all, it must ensure that its male membership do not have any rights to dominate, control or sexualise its female membership.