Adulthood 1 (v4)
Adulthood is normally assumed to be a stage of sexual maturity for people. For the majority of single people, upon reaching adulthood they will be in a position to develop a godly relationship and move into marriage within a few years. For some they will experience ongoing singleness and may not marry until their 30s or possibly even longer, while for a small proportion they may remain single for their entire life. Whichever situation applies to any one person, the time in which they remain single is the period in which as a Christian believer it is essential to maintain godly character and sexual purity. As we have noted in our previous posts the period in which they remain single is a very important part of developing their sexuality, relational and sexual maturity, and for some people they may need a longer period than adolescent to complete this development, whilst for others it may never be complete.
Part D of this series referred to sexual fulfilment through masturbation. For this series of articles we are specifically referring to the degree of sexual fulfilment that is possible for a single person. Married partners may use masturbation within the marriage to achieve sexual fulfilment in the context of the marriage but this is obviously different from the sexual fulfilment that a single person can achieve. The context of sexual fulfilment possible to a single Christian will necessarily be limited to what they can achieve with their sexual organs directly in relation only to themselves and to God, since no other person can be involved in it. We believe that sexual fulfilment can be found in the idea that for a single person, orgasm can be viewed as a worshipful act. Thus, having an orgasm constitutes sexual fulfilment for a single, godly believer. For a married couple, it is their ability to share in the process of helping each other to reach orgasm that creates the additional forms of fulfilment, such as sexual intimacy and building relationships and families.
Another important aspect of sexual fulfilment that relates to masturbation and is especially very important for a male is the sexual development aspect. Stereotypical male sexuality as expressed in society and especially perpetuated in much pornographic material and also in the complementarian church theology portrays a male as having uncontrollable sexual urges that the female population are expected to offer their bodies to satisfy without restraint or question. In other words unflattering stereotypical male sexual characteristics such as unrestrained libido and lust are the responsibility of women to solve by making their bodies available without question or complaint. Christian egalitarianism has challenged the theological aspect and our practical implementation of its principles see men responsible for restraining and disciplining their sex drive to honour and respect women, including their wives if they are married, and seeking alternative outlets for the testosterone driven pressures in their bodies. Masturbation is the option for a godly man to release the pressure through orgasm and only when undertaken in holy submission to God. The view we have recently developed is that times when a Christian man is masturbating is a time, not just to focus on sexual fulfilment through orgasm, but also sexual fulfilment through having controlled and disciplined their sex drive to be submitted to and focused on God. A masturbation session then becomes a sexual discipline / training session for the man of God to recommit himself to honouring God and people around him with his sexuality. In that sense, orgasm isn’t the key objective of sexual fulfilment in a masturbation session; sexual fulfilment is achieved for the man of God through having redirected his focus from using a woman’s body to reach orgasm, to using masturbation to the same ends.
We believe that just as men and women have different views of sex, they also understandably have different views of masturbation; men tend to have a physical view and women have an emotional view. A male view of sexuality in relation to himself tends to focus on the physical aspects of his genitals, which are the main area of his body that is relevant to his sexuality. Males tend to focus majorly on their perception of their sexual prowess through factors such as the size of their penis, the visual satisfaction of a strong erection, and the strength and volume of an ejaculation. Single Christian males, especially adolescents who have enforced celibacy for a period of several years, being unable to express their sexuality through intercourse with a wife, need to use masturbation to feel sexually fulfilled. We have therefore arrived at the conclusion that masturbation is a very important part of the sexual development of a Christian man and can be blessed by God when the focus of the use of masturbation is upon a godly purpose, such as preparing for a life of service in adulthood than can include serving a wife and family.
Masturbation for a Christian adolescent or adult male is much the same physically as it is for other men, although the purpose is different. We advocate that Christian men are free to choose the frequency of masturbation in their own personal devotion with God, and that potentially it should be with a range from weekly to several times daily, depending on each man’s sex drive and the time he has available. This is no different in reality from the frequency range at which Christian couples undertake sexual intercourse and it is a matter to be resolved between them and God. The important factor is that no single male should feel there is any particular condemnation obstructing him from choosing the appropriate time(s) each day that he may wish to masturbate. The main challenges to be overcome are to eliminate all sexual sin from being used alongside masturbation, such as lust and idolatry. We believe it is important to acknowledge sexual pressures placed upon males by their own bodies and by things going on around them in the world, and that masturbation according to godly principles provides single men with the necessary sexual fulfilment, development and purity that they need in their lives in order to live godly lives and aspire to leadership in the Christian communities in which they live and serve. The Church’s failure to acknowledge these issues is undoubtedly the reason why large percentages of both Christian men and women are now becoming porn users and addicts, and without the ability for masturbating men and women who are involved in sexual sin to have a physical sexual fulfilment that takes the sin out of the picture, recovery from these sexual addictions and the moral/mind pollution caused by pornography is extremely difficult to achieve.
The process of masturbation for a male begins with the familiar tight feeling in his pants, which he responds to by extracting his genitals from within his clothing, and then he begins the cycle by using his hand to provide the required level of stimulation. This initial stage in which a man reaches a state of physical erection is an extremely satisfying time for him as part of his physical perception is around the power of his member to attain and maintain a strong erection. The following period of stroking his member to increase sexual excitement is the most satisfying part of the masturbation cycle as it is the longest phase, it usually taking a minimum of 5-10 minutes to reach a peak of sexual excitement, and this aspect of the cycle can be highly visual as well as sensual, with the male able to use his entire hand to enclose his erect member and therefore increase physical pressure over a larger area of it. Most males will gain considerable sexual satisfaction from the observation that their member fits neatly within their hand and responds well to continued stroking over a period of time. The onset of orgasm can be delayed by extending the stroking period considerably or temporarily ceasing it each time climax is about to occur; this is known as “edging” and typically produces a much greater ejaculatory intensity and strength. The further observation of ejaculation can also be visually satisfying for the male.
Christian men differ from those outside the faith in that they can choose to focus their conscious mind and thoughts during masturbation on Godly things and that is how masturbation can be sanctified and blessed by God. The process of masturbation and the reasons for it are different from women than for men. This is briefly explored below but the next part of this series goes into more depth of the explanations about how Christian women view masturbation and what it achieves for them,
Both guys and gals need to use masturbation in order to maintain sexual purity especially when single. The sexuality of human males and females is somewhat different as there are more complexities involved for women, who have more body parts and systems involved with their sexuality, and who therefore receive a constant stream of negative internal and external messages about femininity. However, this doesn’t mean that men aren’t placed under sexual pressure. It is therefore important that both men and women of godly character take the opportunity for solo masturbation as an act of worship and as an act of personal devotion in consecrating their genitals for godly service. We have previously stated our perspective that masturbation is a form of sexual therapy and that there is benefit in receiving this therapy on a regular basis. Depending on their situations both men and women will benefit from using masturbation in this way.
Apart from masturbating to resolve sexual pressures and negative messages as mentioned above. we believe it is also highly beneficial in the recovery of individuals from sexual abuse and addiction. These days with the widespread availability of pornographic materials, and the sad reality that abuse and violence in society is overwhelmingly carried out by males against females, these issues are far more common than they once were. We are currently working with individuals making a successful recovery from pornographic addiction using masturbation as a therapy. We highly commend the use of masturbation in a godly context for personal resolution of these challenges which the Church currently struggles to acknowledge and address.