“Confessions of a Horny Christian Single Girl”

It’s been very refreshing to discover this blog and to understand the perspective expressed in it. As we have seen from some of the recent posts that have been put up, the evangelical purity movement, based on “complimentarian” theology, essentially teaches that women are lesser beings sexually, that women don’t have or shouldn’t have sexual feelings or desires, that women are more or less men’s sexual playthings. This is a very bad theology that isn’t differentiating itself from society where there are so many ingrained negative attitudes towards femininity and female sexuality which, of course, the porn industry exploits and magnifies. We fail therefore to understand the viewpoint behind abortion, which is part of women reclaiming their reproductive rights; conservatives argue they never had any such rights in the first place. That isn’t intended to detract from the moral arguments against abortion itself, but it is an insight into the diminution of femininity where women have been expected to shoulder most of the responsibility for child bearing and rearing. This blog doesn’t talk about all those things, but it does talk about one woman’s struggle with her sexuality, and it’s refreshing to see her talk openly about it.

Anyway here is the first post on her blog, it explains everything about what it is like for a single Christian woman to struggle with her sexuality and temptation and sexual sin. She chose to be very bold, about as bold as we are being with some of the things we have posted on this blog. And because of this, finding her blog after we decided to start this blog, was actually a very useful thing, because it filled in some detail and confirmed other detail of stuff we had already begun to post about.

Then five years went past and she wrote about a lot of other things….which we haven’t yet read, honestly. And the first time we looked at her blog we missed the update from just over a year ago, “Where I’ve Been“. And it’s really good to read this post, because she has described how she came to a peace about masturbation. She came to the conclusion masturbation was not an issue at all between her and God (as long as she stuck to certain parameters).

We’ve written a lot about masturbation on this blog (so far) and that is because it is extremely important to us to demystify and destigmatise all the negativity surrounding masturbation in the Church. Having got that out of our system up to this point, with a lot of reposting of internet content about Christians and masturbation, maybe it is time to move on to another subject. But we could not let this theme be concluded without writing about this girl’s journey because it mirrors our journeys as well. It is surely no coincidence that having come to the same place of recovery from sexual sin, we experienced likewise the beautiful freedom of knowing God more passionately than ever before and knowing that He created our bodies to experience sexual pleasure whether we are married or single. If we keep sin out of our masturbation experience then we can truly enjoy the fact that this gift was designed to produce pleasure for us within our bodies and that, as with all functions of our natural body, the performance of this gift is to be seen as an act of worship. So we get the most deep sense of spiritual fulfilment, favour and blessing every time we masturbate as long as we spend the time praising God and thanking Him for this blessing. If you bring that perspective into masturbation then the freedom from false guilt and shame can be a major aspect of recovery from sexual sin (such as porn addiction) while at the same time having an appropriate outlet for releasing sexual tension that builds up in our bodies.

The other useful knowledge we got from reading this blog, was already mentioned above, and that, along with a book by Linda Kay Kline about the purity movement, was understanding about the negative theological teachings that are endemic in conservative theology, that basically seek to demean female sexuality and deny that women have sexual drives and desires. It’s no accident that the True Love Waits program came out of the Southern Baptist Convention in 1993, only a few years after conservatives hijacked the SBC and drove out all female ministry leaders. Unfortunately this movement continues to enjoy widespread support because it is inherently rooted in complimentarianism, a widely taught school of theological belief that enshrines patriarchal religious beliefs, and essentially panders to secular patriarchalism that is still a widespread school of thought in conservative politics. Joshua Harris has at least renounced his purity culture book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” but patriarchal faith focus will, unfortunately, remain a significant part of the Church for the foreseeable future.

The affirmation about masturbation as something that Christians can partake of at the same time as living a pure, holy and upright life and maintain sexual purity is essential to us to “preach about” in this blog and that’s why it has been the key focus since the blog was set up. It will remain very important in a blog that not only focuses on Christian views of sexuality, but on the ministry of healing from sexual sin.

“13 Reasons Every Woman Should Masturbate Regularly”

[Editor: We think from a Christian perspective there are actual benefits to masturbation for godly women, including those who are in a marriage. We are coming around to the view that masturbation for women is beneficial to developing and maintaining their sexual development, possibly much more than for men]


The Science AND Theology of Being Horny

…It is very surprising that many Christians advocate for and propagate men’s sexual drive without giving thought to the real what, why and wherefore of what they’re talking about from the perspective of both science and theology. Rather, they base this simply upon ‘male privilege’ and their imagined reality of the male anatomy, physiology and psychology…one of the major arguments one hears for making man’s sexual needs an all-encompassing consideration in male-female relationships is that by ‘design,’ man’s sexual needs are higher and more important than the females. This is a fallacy which I will attempt to disprove, using what I know of human anatomy and physiology, as well as God’s intention for mankind, as revealed in the Christian Scriptures…

…it becomes clear that both men and women are innately wired to be ‘horny’ and that this has to do with procreation, rather than a man’s need. Additionally, this shows God never intended for man to use his sexual drive, i.e, his ability to be ‘instantly’ and ‘frequently’ ready for sex to control, manipulate or dominate the woman. Rather, if anything, and considering the Christian’s call to fidelity and God’s apparent design of monogamy (see quotes below), a man’s sexual drive is to be surrendered to his wife’s sexual drive


Everybody Masturbates: Reclaiming Masturbation

…Masturbation is a valid biological need of our bodies as others. It’s taken a horrible place in the church because of its sexual nature. But to deny or demonize it would be as disastrous as denying or demonizing any other biological functions of our bodies (like farts). Therefore, I’d like to make the bold claim, that it isn’t masturbation that is wrong, but rather the way we have tended to interpret and practice masturbation…

…Sex is God’s beautiful gift to humans and like every good gift, He has created boundaries and parameters around which we may freely operate without sin. Masturbation, and masturbation as I will now posit it to you, is one of the parameters God has created for humans to freely embrace their sexuality…


How the Purity Movement Made Women Giddy About Dating Jesus, and Ashamed to Masturbate

…Many purity advocates teach that women aren’t very sexual, and so don’t need a way to vent their repressed sexual energy in their single years. But that’s not what I usually hear. “Dating Jesus” was just one of many work-arounds I heard about from women who wanted to remain pure but couldn’t deaden their sexual, romantic, and relational impulses. One woman went on a yearlong “fast” during which she starved herself of romantic and sexual thoughts the way one might starve oneself of food during a traditional fast…

…Katie was tripping over the purity culture stumbling block that tells girls they are to blame for their inability to meet a set of nearly unattainable standards, not the standards themselves. Katie even questioned whether she had been sexually abused or inappropriately exposed to sexual content as a child and had repressed the memory, as she couldn’t think of any other reason why her sexual feelings wouldn’t go away, as the purity movement demanded they must…


Memoirist: Evangelical Purity Movement Sees Women’s Bodies As A ‘Threat’

When Linda Kay Klein was 13, she joined an evangelical church that prized sexual “purity” and taught that men and boys were sexually weak.

According to Klein’s faith, girls and women were responsible for keeping male sexual desire in check by wearing modest clothing, maintaining a sexless mind and body and taking a “purity pledge,” in which they promised to remain virgins until marriage.

Looking back now, Klein says, “It was all about how [a woman] needed to be a good Christian by protecting them from the threat that is you — the threat that is your body. The threat that is your sexuality.”


How I broke free of the Evangelical ‘purity’ movement

…The excruciating worry was driven by her years growing up as an Evangelical in the Midwest in the late 1980s and early 1990s — and by the purity movement that continues to this day. The first virginity-pledge program, True Love Waits, was started in 1993 by the Southern Baptist Convention and now claims more than 2.5 million pledgers worldwide. Hundreds of thousand of American teens have formally pledged to save themselves for marriage: attending purity balls where they often wear white dresses and are symbolically given to Jesus by their fathers, even accepting rings as vows of their sworn chastity. Although the culture largely consists of girls, boys do take part, including pop-star siblings Nick and Joe Jonas when they were younger…

…Growing up, she’d been told by pastors and church teachers that she was a “stumbling block” of temptation for boys and men. This was largely presented as her problem, not theirs: It was made clear that she would be cast as a Jezebel — with her character corrupted — if she had sex before marriage. The message traumatized Klein and many of her peers, sparking fear, anxiety and, in the extreme case of one woman interviewed for the book, the symptoms of anaphylactic shock when she first had sex. (The woman started wheezing and breaking out in welts and wound up in the ER.)…


Single, Saved and Having Sex

…Most people agree that the Bible is pretty clear that sex outside of marriage is a spiritual no-no, but according to some reports, as many as 80 percent of young unmarried Christians are doing it anyway. A piece that originally appeared in the May issue of Ebony magazine takes a look at how people who are unmarried but not so young anymore are balancing their faith with real-world temptations….


I Still Want It: Holy and Horny

…Because the Christian church has largely been silent on this topic, providing no practical guidance or solutions whatsoever, Christian singles have largely taken things into their own hands (literally — no pun intended, lol.  I’ve heard some people call it “hand ministry,” “personal ministry” or “personal devotion.”)…  We do what we can. Christian singles find solutions that work for them, that don’t violate their conscience, and are in keeping with Biblical principles (i.e. staying away from fornication and adultery and “sexual immorality”)…

…Many people, myself included, would argue that the church needs talk about these things. However, the church has often grievously mishandled these conversations and I no longer trust it to be able to host the much-needed conversation on sexuality.   I remember a few AYs (Adventist Youth — aka youth group meetings) where we had an “Ask the Pastor” session, and those sessions were disastrous.  Old people dominated the discussion, shaming young people.  Bible texts were taken out of context.  I left feeling worse than when I came…